14 November 2018
It is a side effect of hiring escorts in London: you become emotionally attached to them.
Clients with EAS, or emotional attachment syndrome, with their escort service providers, feel emotionally vulnerable and even a strong yearning to form a relationship with them. We are human after all, wanting emotionally closeness applies to escorts and their clients.
As a client myself, I was told to be detached with service providers. And yet, they see the side of me that is physically and emotionally exposed; how is it possible to shut off my feelings when I confide so much in them? So I confessed to my escort girl about my EAS, and since the feeling was mutual, we decided to be in a relationship where our needs for emotional connection would be met.
I still talk to clients and escort girls who have developed EAS through bookings, or intimate sessions. It is more common than you think; when money, time and other resources are invested, feelings develop. Typically, clients with Emotional Attachment Syndrome with escorts have emotional requirements that were ignored in their formative years.
Using myself as an example to illustrate this, I was an only child growing up without much attention from my parents. I had unmet needs whereby I felt convinced only a grownup relationship would resolve. When I met my escort service provider, my emotions were ripe for attachment. My girlfriend, or former service provider, is nurturing, understanding and listened to me with compassion. She filled an empty void that was expressed through anger and grief for much of my adult life. My former escort gave me the empathic connection that I lacked.
I accepted that no one could take away the pain felt during my earlier years.
I only wanted someone to listen to me, not replace the years of yearning I felt. Although I paid for my former escort to listen to me, I found the caring in someone who was willing to listen.
Here were the signs of EAS with escorts:
1.Persistent yearning to be with the escort service provider
The child within me wanted to be with my escort all the time; I yearned for her and wanted all of her attention. I felt bonded during our sessions and it was as if I needed her compassion to survive. I needed to feel her touch and hear her voice to be comforted, even after our sessions were completed.
2.Jealousy/felt threatened by her other other clients
I perceived my escort's clients as threats to my safety. They would deprive me of her attention and potentially take her away from me permanently, which put me in a mode of survival. I told her that I felt threatened by her connection with other clients and my growing jealousy.
3. Strong emotions during escort bookings
My escort elicited strong emotions within me- I felt elated, cared for, and anxious. After my booking ended, I felt deprived of her presence. I felt sad/anxious when she ignored my messages. The more giving my escort was, the more wishful I felt to be with her. Although she had boundaries as an escort, they were weak enough for me to break into.
4. The sex felt healing
Sex can feel damaging, painful or even healing. The physical intimacy I felt with my escort was healing.
5.My escort's emotions were transferred onto me
I felt as if my escort's feeling were in sync with mine; we understood each other on such a deep level. Her excitement, sadness and roller coaster of emotions affected my own energy field.
6. I fantasised about being in a relationship with my escort
Before she became my official girlfriend, I fantasised about being in a romantic relationship with my escort doing the usual couple activities. It was not simply lust, but a wish to invest my time and emotions in her.
7. She occupied my thoughts and I was cyber stalking her
My escort became the frequent topic of my conversations and my mind was filled with thoughts about her. She gave me her social media page and I looked at her profile frequently. I even searched her name to see what other people/reviews were written about her.
8.I took an interest in her life and hobbies
I wanted to learn more about my escort, her dreams and interests in life. I saw her as a beautiful human being who needed love and if I saw her in distress, I was the white knight to save her.
9.I saw her as the answer to a lot of my problems
At the time when we met, I was lonely, frustrated and disconnected emotionally in life. After a few bookings with my escort, I felt I could confide anything to her and she was the solution to many of my lifes problems.
10. I put her on a pedestal and complied with her wishes
In my eyes, my escort could do no wrong; I gave her money, gifts and even let her share my residence. She even told me that I was the husband she always fantasised about: caring, giving and forgiving of her faults. It never crossed my mind that she was taking advantage of me because I trusted her, fully.
Falling in love, or feeling strong attachment to your escort is more common than you think. For various reasons, it is not always the best solution to pursue a relationship with your service provider.
I will not go into the various reasons, but you should know that escorts provide a professional service to clients in exchange for monetary compensation. They are not obligated to care for clients, nor are they all emotionally available for a relationship. Let us just leave it at that and not see escort services as conventional courtship.
Escorts are paid to be caring, intimate, affectionate and good at listening. However, most escorts that I have encountered maintain a professional detachment from clients.
Are in a situation where you have EAS? Here are some practical ways to manage it:
1. Don't be in denial that your EAS exists
Clients who feel drawn to their escort service providers want to reject how they feel. They want to rationalise or even deny that they are getting emotionally attached. Remember that it is normal to experience strong feelings with an escort. Admitting that you have EAS is the first step to managing it.
2. Are you idealising your escort as your primary caretaker?
Just accept that you are being listened to and treated with affection by your escort. They are not your primary caretaker, nor do they have a duty to emotionally invest in your wellbeing. Simply acknowledge that you need affection and care in your life right now. With this in mind, you will be more aware of finding love and compassion.
3. It is not love, merely a temporary infatuation/obession.
Your feelings may be intense towards your escort service provider, but it is not a mature appreciation. You have not seen their flaws, or choose to be blind to glaring problems. Most escorts can sense growing obessive feelings in clients-some are sympathetic, whilst others will take advantage of you. Try to maintain some objectivity in the way you are feeling and the way she is acting in response to your EAS.
4. Talk about your feelings
This can be awkward, but let your escort service provider know that you are developing feelings of attachment towards her.
5. If your escort decides to sever communication with you, respect her wishes
As mentioned before, most service providers are not emotionally available to pursue a relationship with clients. Some will deal with EAS by severing ties with their client. Respect her wishes and do not humiliate yourself by begging her to stay.
6. Never expect your feelings to be reciprocated
Most professional escorts are trained to be kind to clients with EAS. But they are under no obligation to reciprocate your feelings. You are probably one of many clients with such intense feelings towards her. The GFE escorts usually attract clients with such attachment styles; just respect her decision not to return your feelings.
7. Sever your ties with her if the feelings cause you problems
After knowing that you have EAS, and there is no reciprocation of your feelings, walk away from the arrangement. An escort service should be enjoyable, not an experience filled with emotional turmoil!
8. Never blame your escort for unrequited love
There is no need to act out in anger or force your escort about unrequited feelings. Escorts will see you as manipulative and potentially dangerous.
9. See the positive in the experiences of EAS
You may feel disappointed that your escort does not feel the same; but it is good to recognise that you are looking for love in your life and you are capable of emotional attachment towards another human being.